kntckykid33

Thu, 13 Jan 2005 07:12:25 GMT

i have never felt like a bigger jackass. i feel like everything is spiraling downward or in the wrong direction right now. i haven't slept in 40 hours and i'm not feeling very sleepy right now. i think i'm losing everything. this isn't the first time...i felt like this probably about the same time 2 years ago before i decided to become more carefree and just fly by the seat of my pants. it seemed to work until recently. maybe it would still be working if i hadn't changed so much supposedly. maybe i have changed, but i don't want to. i want to go back to how i was but i don't want to have to try to change back because that used to just be me. i didn't have to try to be that person. i don't even know how to begin to try to be how i was because i don't see who i am now and how it's any different.

back to my downward spiraling existence right now. i guess it's a deserving consequence for me. i don't see why i should have everything going my way right now. i've made mistakes and messed somethings up that were and still are very important to me i just lost sight of them while i was gone. at first i thought i was keeping things the same and doing the right thing but it all turned out exactly the way i was trying to keep it from turning out. i should have seen it all coming. everything seemed to be in it's right place and i was happy because everythign around me was how i wanted it but everything is never exactly how you want it because you can't have everything. i wish i could have realized all this without going through what i'm going through right now because i can't remember the last time i was this wrapped up in a situation that just tears me up inside.

well i can only hope everything works out and things go back to as normal as they can be right now. at least i know what an idiot i've been and i can try to fix that. geez you know i'm feeling bad when i come back to livejournal...i have wrote on here in forever and it's because i only come here when i have nowhere else to turn and that is how i feel right now. i've accepted that i only post on here when i have so much bottled up inside and i have to let it out and i just don't knwo where to turn. i don't think anyone really wants to listen to me right now except me. so here i am writing and reading to myself.

Thu, 16 Dec 2004 00:12:52 GMT

ok ok ok...still lagging behind with the whole updating thing i know. i was reminded of it by sallie whitton yesterday! so here i am updating. i can't believe how little time i have to write in here. it seems like a lot of the time i'm not doing anything so you would think i would update but no...i guess i'm more busy than i thought.

anyways on with the entry! today is wednesday and i am going to be going home in 2 days! i'll more than likely be home friday afternoon because i have a final at 1:30 tomorrow and i'm not sure how much i'll feel like driving. plus just hanging out here with everyone one last night sounds pretty good. as excited as i am to go home i am going to miss college. it is definitely an experience and it will be a big change to go back home and live with my mom again and have to report to her lol. no i miss everyone at home to much so it is going to be awesome.

so i'm one semester down and another 7 to go! (hopefully it won't be much more than that) wasn't so bad, classes went well and i'll have all A's and B's. next semester is looking up too...not many early classes lol it seemed this semester went by pretty quick. i wonder if it keeps going this fast? if so we will be out of college sooner than we think! how crazy is that...after the next 4 years for most of us we will be ready to either go back to louisville or somewhere else and start our own life! haha that will be awesome too! on a serious note though i'm glad everyone made it through the first semester safe and everyone is doing well in school.

well that's all i can really say now, if i left anything out that you would like to know just let me know! and i look forward to seeing everyone very soon! lol

see ya!

Tue, 16 Nov 2004 07:34:16 GMT

yeah so haven't really updated this bad boy in a long time. don't really know why, i mean a lot has been going on. college has been a blast and i guess i just haven't had much time to do this journal thing with having a roomate and everything there isn't much time i have to just have my own thoughts and put them down. don't get me wrong i'm totally have a blast with cory as a roomate and it's not a bad thing i can't think i was just making a statement.

quick recap of last month down here...
-quit football team
-joined a frat
-got 3 As and 3 Bs on midterm grades
-went swimming in freezing lake water
-went camping
-chris eldridge is transferring here in the spring

that's a good brief overview, of course there is a lot of hanging out time in between there with everyone down here. and there is definitely the party scene...wow.

i'm looking forward to thanksgiving break. oh how glorious that huge dinner will be! plus i'll get to see the whole gang back together again and i'm sure we'll have a good time. well i'm going to conclude this entry right now and possibly try to keep up with it a little more. i really should start on my semester paper for english 102 but i'm not really feeling motivated but i need to be because it's almost 50% of my grade in there!

check you later!<----who says that?

Sun, 19 Sep 2004 07:57:25 GMT

well it's 3:19 am and i'm still awake. i just finished watching eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. it was a very intriguing movie. jim carey's character attempts to get his memory of a girl he loved erased after he finds out she had him erased. once the procedure is in progress he attempts to stop it in his own mind by going through his different memories. that whole plot probably doesn't make any sense to anyone because it hardly made sense in the movie unless you really paid attention. i think i found the movie most intriguing because i wondered what it would be like to have parts of your memory erased. what if i had something erased that used to bring me so much joy but now gives me nothing but pain? would i do it to get rid of the pain of the present knowing i could never have the happy memories of the past back? i doubt any of us will ever be faced with that option but it is still something different to think about. why is it some of the greatest things in life always have the possibility of becoming one of the worst? the only answer possible to that question is "that is just life" so basically there is no answer.

"How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each prayer accepted, and each wish resigned;"-Alexander Pope from the poem "Eloisa to Abelard"

maybe sometimes it's best to let things go. everything ends and something else begins again. you only fit into certain places at certain times and sometimes you are in the wrong place at the wrong time...don't force yourself somewhere you don't belong. it's ok to be left out.

Mon, 06 Sep 2004 04:50:32 GMT

Your Love Life by lpfloatsmyboat
Name/username/nickname:
favorite color:
best physical quaility:	hair
best personality trait:	friendly
will you marry your bf/gf that you have now?	yes
when will you get married?	February 20, 2020
your kiss is:	meaningful!
People date you because:	you're hot

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Thu, 02 Sep 2004 20:00:10 GMT

Would anyone want to bang you? by phobia
Name:
Favorite Food:
Wants to Bang you:
This many times:	53

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Sat, 28 Aug 2004 18:29:03 GMT

haven't really written in awhile. i guess i've just been busy with all this college stuff. class isn't too bad. i've done pretty well at keeping up with all my homework and everything so i'm doing good. i'm hardly on here long enough to write b/c we are always doing something even though it's usually nothing. me and cory are always just out with brittany, cynthia, sarah, and sometimes karen but we usually don't have much to do. last night was this racer rally thing b/c our first football game is today. then we just ended up at brit and cyn's dorm sitting around. football is going good. i started practice a few days ago but i'm a redshirt so that's all i get to do. i can't be on the sidelines or anything for the games so i'm just like any other spectator. but i can't really think of anything else i want to write right now so i think i'm going to take a nap before i go swim some laps. see ya.

Sun, 22 Aug 2004 18:47:33 GMT

hey everyone. i'm here at murray and me and cory are all by ourselves now. my mom just left and his dad left yesterday. it's kind of weird but fun at the same time. our room is quite coezy. but i just wanted to let everyone know all my information on my last post isn't quite right.

jeremy haysley
5555 franklin college
murray, ky 42071

270-762-2287 (dorm phone)

jeremy.haysley@murraystate.edu or kntckykid33@aol.com

also me and cory will probably be coming back in town in a couple weeks for labor day weekend b/c he has a court date to uphold. catch ya later.

Fri, 20 Aug 2004 16:52:41 GMT

i just wanted to tell everyone that i didn't get a chance to see last night goodbye because i leave today around 6ish. i hope everyone has an awesome fall semester and those of you i don't see on our little breaks i'll see you over christmas! have fun and good luck.

jeremy haysley
franklin college rm 307
murray state university
murray, ky 42071

kntckykid33@aol.com
jeremy.haysley@murraystate.edu

Wed, 18 Aug 2004 04:53:59 GMT

i feel like i'm at a loss of words right now. i haven't written in a while but i also feel like i don't have anything to write. i mean i'm sure i do but i don't really feel like it. this goes back to the whole "i only write about bad things in here" statement from a long time ago. i really don't have much to complain about right now. i feel content about college and i'm ready. i'm a little nervous about football b/c i'm not in very good shape at all and i really haven't caught a ball in months. i'm afraid of being really rusty and screwing up big time b/c i didn't get to go down 2 weeks ago. i wish i had someone to throw to me but no offense i don't know anyone with a strong enough arm or good enough accuracy to give me a real challenge. my feelings of content are reassured by knowing that although people will change, i won't lose friends i have as long as i really want to keep them and they feel the same way. only one thing holding me back from college....packing! i haven't started at all and have no idea what i'm doing. me and cory always talked about a lot of the big things like tv, dvd and vcr, futon, microwave, refridgerator, playstation, and junk like that but my mom is asking me about hard stuff like towels, shampoo, wash cloths, toothpaste, soap, and things that i need a quantity of. i don't know how much i need. i told her 5 towels and 5 wash cloths but then lauren laughed at me for that like it was too much! lol oh well i'll figure it all out, after all i'm a college student now! well i guess i found some words to write down didn't i? haha but now i'm off to bed to watch the olympics and fall asleep. later on.

Tue, 17 Aug 2004 15:43:16 GMT

How to make a kntckykid33

Ingredients:

1 part friendliness

3 parts self-sufficiency

1 part joy

Method:
Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Add a little sadness if desired!

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

Fri, 13 Aug 2004 05:00:46 GMT

Green

You are a very calm and contemplative person. Others are drawn to your peaceful, nurturing nature.

Find out your color at Quiz Me!

Thu, 12 Aug 2004 05:05:33 GMT

i guess i haven't updated in awhile and i probably wouldn't have even done it if mudd hadn't reminded me tonight at the movies. i went to the movies tonight with lauren, mudd, her friend jamie i think, and heather. not much has been happening really to write about. i mean i guess i could always write what i have been thinking about but i just haven't. maybe i'm resorting back to my old self. i'm thinking about things to myself and now i'm keeping them to myself. i guess i'm doing that b/c when i let them out before nothing good really came of it. it actually caused more drama than it helped. oh well i was fine the way i used to be so i'll be just fine now that i'm back to that way. i thought maybe opening up was something i needed to do and it would turn out to be something that was a step forward for me but it seemed like i didn't even move. maybe now just wasn't the right time. i wasn't ready and i'm sorry. everyone who has been there for me for all my rambling, thanks for everything, it really meant a lot...but i guess no thanks anymore. it's all up to me now. what is really the point anymore of opening up and letting something out that i am just going to be taking 250 miles away in a week? just so people can do one of three things.....1) feel sorry for me 2) laugh at me or 3) genuinely care. i'd like to think most is the third choice but i'm not dumb. i know what else is said. anyways....

i've been in a really good mood recently. lets start a few days ago with what i've been doing...sunday night i went over lauren's and we watched a movie. i always enjoy hanging out with her, she's my best friend and i'm glad we are to the point where we can just hang around with nothing to do. then i worked monday and tuesday night. i hung out with cory today and we looked for some stuff for our dorm. he is also my best friend and i'm glad we are going to college together but sometimes i get to thinking that it's more of him and brittany going to college together and now i'm the third wheel. but tomorrow i'm working 2-8 and then i'm off friday, saturday, and sunday. i think people are going to jalapenos tomorrow night so i'll probably go there if that's where everyone will be. haven't been there in awhile. then saturday is my cousin's wedding which should be fun. oh yeah and hopefully monday we will be able to get that king's island trip together. well i'll catch everyone sooner or later depending on my next entry.

Tue, 10 Aug 2004 05:04:54 GMT

Lucifer. The most misunderstood of all the
ArchAngels, you're most like the ArchAngel of
Light. You've seen the darkside and have opted
for something better. You need better press,
though chances are no one will really
understand your motives.

Which ArchAngel are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla

Mon, 02 Aug 2004 07:00:40 GMT

was that last entry coherent? i can't decide if i really knew what i was talking about or if it was something that was just coming out randomly as it hit my brain. hmmmmmm.....

Mon, 02 Aug 2004 06:56:31 GMT

is this done for attention? do we all use this to get attention? is that why all anyone really writes about is troubling things or problems we have? is it all just to get people to feel sorry for us? i don't think so. i don't think attention has anything to do with it. at least not for me. i honestly could care less who reads this but on the same hand i do know who reads it. and yes i do write certain entries for certain people who read this. but it isn't to get them to feel sorry for me or sympathize with me and if they end up not reading it, oh well. this is a place to vent and possibley share thoughts or information with people that could help them. there are things bothering people that we care about that we may not know about and the same thing could be bothering us. maybe someone will read my entries and relate to me and that could help us grow closer? i guess i have kind of hoped i could share some thoughts on here that could help people understand me better. other times i write things that i may feel or have bothering me but just haven't been able to mention it to anyone. so if anyone just thinks people who use this site is doing it just for attention well maybe you should just talk to the people and maybe everythign on here wouldn't be about social problems or how bad of a day it's been. talking can go a long way and when you hit on a subject that actually means something to a person it's hard to stop talking.

moving fast, going nowhere

Thu, 29 Jul 2004 13:02:32 GMT

i still haven't made up my mind about leaving yet. i should probably call the coach today but i'm still so confused i don't think it would do much good. i wish i didn't have a choice. i wish there was no decision to be made and i had to either go or stay. i don't like knowing that certain things depend on me going or staying. that just scares me more of making the wrong choice. the only thing i have left keeping me here is my mom. yesterday i was really ready to go but that was a split second decision i made irrationally b/c it was based on something that just upset me and i wanted to run away from. but then i had a long talk with evan and calmed down and remembered everything else that has to do with this which was my mom and me leaving her to pay everything with my car and insurance and she already pays my cell phone bill. that would be leaving a lot on her and she told me i could go and she would try her best to pull it off she woudl just have to make some cutbacks somewhere. but i don't want her to do that. i don't want her to keep making sacrifices for me like she has always done when i was a kid. i need to grow up and take responsibility for myself. i don't know it's thoughts like these that has kept me up all night and hasn't let me eat all day yesterday after i really didn't eat the day before b/c of the concert. i sit here right now and i should be starving but i just don't have the energy to do much of anything including eat. this is terrible.

Thu, 29 Jul 2004 05:04:46 GMT

Reason a guy likes a girl: their tears make you want to change the world so that it doesn't hurt her anymore.....yet regardless if you love them, hate them, wish they would die or know that you would die without them ... it matters not. Because at one time in your life, whatever they were to the world, they became everything to you. When you look them in the eyes, traveling to the depths of their souls and you say a million things without trace of a sound, you know that your own life is inevitabley consumed within the rhythmic beatings of her very heart. We love them for a million reasons, no paper would do it justice. It is a thing not of the mind but of the heart.

Wed, 28 Jul 2004 04:31:38 GMT

wow, what a day. i just got home a little while ago from the warp tour jr. down at the belvedere with lauren. it was fun when the bands that i wanted to see played. i enjoyed spending time with lauren since that will all be gone soon. all of you all will be gone from me soon. which is another thing...it may be sooner than planned.

i got home tonight and the murray state football coach had called and talked to my mom. i am invited to join the team for their 2-a-day camp. that is awesome news b/c they only have a certain number of spots given to them by the NCAA to invite players down. on the other hand it is not the best news b/c i will have to be down there between 8-12 on august 5th. that is a whole two weeks earlier than my scheduled move-in date of august 21. in a perfect situation i would move down in a heart-beat. but i'm not in a perfect situation. i have so many ties here that i want to keep as long as i can. my friends and family first and foremost. i'm still preparing myself to leave you all and this will throw that into high gear. i also would have to stop working and i have bills on my car that my mom would have to take over fully for 4 months. i don't know if she can take all of that. and lastly, i know i've mentioned my friends but the hardest one will be lauren. i'm sorry to you all and you know i care for you but i feel like lauren is my closest friend right now that i will be losing and if you are one of my other close friends then you know everything and will understand. i don't think i have cared for someone so much other than a family member and i can't put my finger on it. i have just never been able to let go of her. maybe leaving early will make it easier or maybe it won't. is anything going to change in those two weeks that i am going to miss or is it going to just be like the rest of the summer that i have already experienced? please, tell me to stay or tell me to go. please, i need someone.

i have got to figure this out soon. i can't be in this weak state for long. i just hope i don't make an irrational last second choice. but i can't be vulnerable. i have to figure this out.

Mon, 26 Jul 2004 04:43:53 GMT

my last couple entries haven't been about any serious topics. well i think this one is shaping up to be. i looked at the calendar today. 26 days left before i leave. it's really crunch time now. it's really going to be here before we realize it. i think i have realized something though...i think everything has stopped. or has it? is there anything left before we leave or are we all preparing for it? are we preparing ourselves by stopping everything where it is and hoping we can come back to it whenever we like? i think i am. i am afraid of doing anythign that could change something before i leave because i want to come back to what it is now and pick it up later. but will later be too late? who knows. what if i asked you? what if i opened up to you? can i, am i able? are you able? what am i even talking about and why did i choose to say it on here? who knows.

so i worked today and then went to the movies with lauren and aaron. the movie was ok, kind of cheesey but what can you expect. at least it was at the village 8 for only $2. can't beat that! ok i'm heading out. talk to ya when i talk to ya.

Sun, 25 Jul 2004 05:21:27 GMT

You are GUTS. You love to be "xtreme"
and you love peril. You probably enjoy a good
sip of Gatorade now and then, too.

Which old school Nickelodeon show are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Fri, 23 Jul 2004 05:12:16 GMT

"i'm sorry that i hurt you, it's something i must live with everyday. and all the pain i put you through, i wish that i could take it all away. and be the one who catches all your tears.

i'm not a perfect person. i never meant to do those things to you. and so i have to say before i go, that i just want you to know. i found a reason for me, to change who i used to be. a reason to start over new, and the reason is you."

great song to drive home alone to at midnight....just listen.

Thu, 22 Jul 2004 15:44:06 GMT

yeah so i haven't written in awhile. now probably isn't the best time b/c i do have things to write just not much time b/c i have to be at work in 20 mins. i safely made it to murray and back. i had mixed feelings about the trip. i'm excited to go yet not ready. i had fun down there but really wanted to come home. then when i was home the first night there was really nothing to do and i found myself wanting to go back to murray. talk about confusion.... but anyways i'm glad i'm back home for another month. hopefully i don't have to move down early for football but i might i still have to call the coach again. but i need to leave for work. i'll see everyone around and maybe i'll post more later tonight.

Fri, 16 Jul 2004 21:37:54 GMT

well i'm about to go on down to murray. should be an interesting trip. college is going to be a real impact on me after orientation i can tell already. i hope i get all my classes and stuff ok. i'll talk to everyone sunday afternoon when i return. so long for now.

Fri, 16 Jul 2004 08:20:32 GMT

the worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right next to them knowing you can't have them.